my muddled mind

Karin W - fractal fragments 3

I’m floundering in a muddle of Good and Bad news.

I’m finding it hard to focus on one thing… and don’t know what to do first!

Good news:  My nonfiction book in two volumes is now proofed and on its way to the printer

The publisher, has kept me on schedule with multiple phone calls daily

 

The book, “Sex and the Goddess” will be published in two volumes

Softcover, Hardcover, and e-book!

The process was choreographed step by step

I collated and photocopied the 1000 pages in two groups and sent them off

They put them through their Data Entry process

Returned them via email for me to proof-read

I sent the copies back via email and approved

Soon they sent me the “galley” for volume one to proof,

Plus the galley for their cover design

I was delighted with both and how they will look, I sent them back approved

The same process happened immediately with Volume Two

Now both are going to printers which will be a matter of some weeks

It’s all so surprising, as I did not solicit the book

They called me because of a book I published with them back in 2003!

It’s costing me more than I can afford, but I feel The Time Is Right…

There is a reason this manuscript languished in my files for twenty years!

Here’s Some Not so good news: 

Meanwhile, in my writer’s group at TWP, I am falling behind

And I am on my last three chapters of “A Roaring Deep Within”

Which are just in outline form and I’m excited to see how they turn out

This bothers me a lot, for I miss the camaraderie and encouraging give and take with writer friends

And some may be dropping away as they get into publishing their own books.

More not so good:  

I am also behind in the class for building a Cartel… “Write to Publish”

I would be learning how to start promoting my own work and sharing with other writers

I will use my current Blog here to promote and get started with the first promo

This is my first posting for it.

But Here’s the Really Bad News:   

I got scammed and my computer has been hacked!

I can’t believe I could have been so stupid to fall for it!

Now my poor muddled mind has been derailed completely!

I only make problems worse by being mad at myself and unsure of what I’m doing.

It’s a terrible feeling not to trust myself to do things right.

But I’m blessed with many supportive friends who are encouraging and reassuring

And I know “This, too, shall pass.” as my dear Mom used to say.

Sigh, Breathe, Step back and take a broader view

There must be some reason why this rude interruption happened now.

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I’M FIGHTING THE MARCH BLAHS

MOODS OF MARCH

I AM APPROACHING MY 79th BIRTHDAY

The “nines” are a dreaded number for me…

They harbor the entrance into another decade

My life plodding along through its time

With nothing but accumulated miscellany

To mark where I’ve travelled

To show who I’ve been

To prove how I’ve lived

Another decade to reach for some goals

THE 80’S LOOM LARGE BEFORE ME

To review old discarded dreams

And try to revive their glittering charm

That will rekindle a fire of inspiring stories

To move me from this lethargic ennui

Into a fresh hope for meaningful action

Into a zest to create again

Into a renewed love of life

And a revised belief in the future

THE WINTER OF 2018-19 HAS BEEN HARSH

Huge mounds of snow cover the landscape

Block our passage on roads

Fell roofs on barns and porches

Hide the debris of last fall

Which will appear rudely to haunt us

When 30 inches of snow finally melts

Flooding the environment in every nook and corner

My spirit feels weighted by the drifts

Like an animal caught mid-storm

Trying to dig out and run free again

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TWO OLD FRIENDS

A very short story written as an assignment for Story Cartel at The Write Practice.

The assignment was to write with a specific person or audience in mind.  I wrote this and shared it with my good friend of over 40 years!

 

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TWO OLD FRIENDS

I am blessed, in my old age, to have one long-time friend with whom I enjoy daily encounters of lengthy dialogue on topics deep and wide-ranging.

We walk and talk with our heads in the clouds… set apart from the hum-drum world around us.  Among the topiary and ornamental plants of our local arboretum, we hobble on our canes, our backs bent so our robes drag the ground.  Today we ponder the prospect of future lives and the synchronicity between past, present and future.

I say to my friend, “Confucius, shall we divine the future? Tell me what you see when I cast these yarrow sticks here, on the pristine gravel path.”  I toss a handful of sticks before us on the path.

The sticks scatter to form a complex web of geometric shapes.

Confucius’ eyebrows rise in sharp points of surprise.  He peruses the pattern of sticks for some minutes while I watch in anticipation of divine enlightenment to harmonize our aging souls with cosmic forces.

“Why Lao Tzu!” he exclaims.  “I am astonished to see us in some amazing strange place.  There are great huge machines whizzing past us on a wide hard path, and buildings of many windows rising high into the sky!”

Surprised, I query him, “But what can that be, Confucius?  Where are we two, in that place?”

He studies the sticks, searching for us from different angles, twisting his neck so he can see around his long beard.  Finally, he speaks.

“Why Lao Tzu, there we are!  Just the two of us, sitting on a bench in the middle of a park surrounded by conifers and evergreens.  There is a pond with ducks and geese and swans’ swimming… very like where we are right now, here in China.”  We shake our heads in wonder and continue to ponder the marvels of the universe.

xxx

On a bench in Loring Park, in the midst of downtown Minneapolis, Minnesota, my friend and I study an astrological chart while discussing beliefs in reincarnation.

” But Herbert,” I say, “what if we don’t only reincarnate, but also perhaps live several lives at one time?”

He looks at me in surprise.  “Do you mean, like in some other world out there in the cosmos?”

“Yes!  Maybe right now we are together in a parallel world, where we are a pair of famous old philosophers!”  I laugh at the ridiculous idea.

“Sure!  We could be Confucius and Lao Tzu in ancient China around the fifth century BC!”

“Hey that’s cool!” I slap him on the back. “Let’s go pick up an ‘I Ching’ divination set at the Art Institute and see what it shows us.”

xxx

Posted in astrology, Fantasy, FRIENDSHIP, reflections, relationships, Uncategorized, writing, Writing Practice | 2 Comments

WELCOME TO 2020

CHASING MY MEANDERING MIND… AGAIN

January 21, 2020

 

2020… a year that has been pictured somewhere in the far future for decades as a kind of mecca of achievement…  has now arrived.

So, where are we??????

It surely does feel like a pivotal moment to me personally, for in March I turn 80 years old!   I had never imagined what a seismic shift in consciousness one year can make.   Suddenly I know I am old enough to die…  and I can feel grateful to still be alive and relatively sane.

Yet when I look at the world around me, I find myself feeling alien to much of it.

The digital-electronic-cyber-space world is one I am only an observer of, not a willing participant.  It deranges me!  I feel lost amid all the technology… passwords, codes, apps, and acronyms.

In my 60’s and even early 70’s these things were still manageable for me and I enjoyed an active and vital “online” life… creating my own blog and website; selling my artwork on eBay and Etsy; self-publishing a novel… And I attempt to continue these activities now but within what seems a much more complex and convoluted world.

But all of that is mostly a factor of my age.

Yet what we are witnessing in our nations’ political, judicial, commercial, educational, and religious institutions at the turning of the decades is far, far more alarming and frightening than simply my personal fear of getting old.  It is essentially a fear of survival… of the country, of our environment, of the wilderness and wildlife, of the human species, and of the earth itself!

How do we now live in the tumult of these early years of the NEW AGE?  That which was so long promised with high hopes and seldom imagined with the angst and trauma within which it has arrived.

THE AGE OF AQUARIUS!   Oh!…  the songs and the plays and the wonderful fantasies… hallucinatory visions… pipe dreams… of a peaceful world built on LOVE and TRUST and TRUTH.  (That was back in the 1960’s, 70’s and 80’s…)

It seems laughable now… bitterly laughable.  In the midst of a world built on GREED and HATE and WAR everywhere.   One that has been growing under the façade of Prosperity and Peace… and LIES!

Are we the Fools of the Universe?

I really can’t say anymore right now.  I’m going to have a glass of wine and try to forget about it all for the night.  Tomorrow is another day… perhaps things will look better tomorrow.  Or maybe I can just run away and ignore it all.

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I’m Posting a Promo for a friend’s new book

M MacKinnon and DartFrogPlus announce the debut novel in the Highland Spirits series—The Comyn’s Curse—a paranormal romance set in the magical Scottish Highlands. Available on Amazon and other online platforms as well as selected bookstores, this novel has something for everyone: history, eternal love, humor, murder, and a spicy bit of angst! Subscribe to my website: https://mmackinnonwriter.com. Read the review on Kirkus: https://www.kirkusreviews.com/book-reviews/m-mackinnon/the-comyns-curse

Monica is a member of the Writers Workshop group where I am also working on my next novel: “A Roaring Deep Within”. I have admired Monica’s writing for the past year as she shared her earlier draft with our group. We learn from and support each other in the joys and agonies of authorship. It is a pleasure and honor to now help her promote this fantastic book. Check out her blog to learn more.

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Suspending hoops – the only hope

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It’s all in the stitches

This beautiful piece brought me peace and tears this morning. I had to share.

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